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Anyone want to work on my art homework for me? Anyone? D:
I'm getting that restless, mopey feeling again. I don't know if I can get a job this summer. I don't know if I can graduate on time, and even if I do I don't know if I'll be able to start a career. I'm almost halfway through college, and I have no idea what I'm going to do.
I've hit one of those low periods where I don't feel like I really matter to anybody. You know the feeling, where it seems like no one would notice or care if you just disappeared or died. And I know it's not true, but out of all the people I would count as close friends, it just doesn't seem like anyone else feels even remotely the same way. I'm not incredibly important to anyone I know. I play second fiddle to just about everyone; boyfriends, girlfriends, anyone with a pulse. (I'm not saying that I don't want my friends to go out with anyone. It's just that I'd like to actually be able to speak with or hang out with my friends without the SO being there as well, physically or in spirit. I can't compare to them, I know that, but I'd like to think that I'm wanted instead of just cutting into make-out time.) I feel like a fool, saying that so-and-so is my best friend when it seems obvious to me that they don't hold me in the same regard. I'm not worth their time or effort. Why bother pretending when anyone can see I'm not wanted?
I don't want to be the center of attention. I just want to be able to say that I've got friends who care about me, friends I can rely on to help me through the rough times, and not feel like I'm lying to make myself feel better.
I'm getting that restless, mopey feeling again. I don't know if I can get a job this summer. I don't know if I can graduate on time, and even if I do I don't know if I'll be able to start a career. I'm almost halfway through college, and I have no idea what I'm going to do.
I've hit one of those low periods where I don't feel like I really matter to anybody. You know the feeling, where it seems like no one would notice or care if you just disappeared or died. And I know it's not true, but out of all the people I would count as close friends, it just doesn't seem like anyone else feels even remotely the same way. I'm not incredibly important to anyone I know. I play second fiddle to just about everyone; boyfriends, girlfriends, anyone with a pulse. (I'm not saying that I don't want my friends to go out with anyone. It's just that I'd like to actually be able to speak with or hang out with my friends without the SO being there as well, physically or in spirit. I can't compare to them, I know that, but I'd like to think that I'm wanted instead of just cutting into make-out time.) I feel like a fool, saying that so-and-so is my best friend when it seems obvious to me that they don't hold me in the same regard. I'm not worth their time or effort. Why bother pretending when anyone can see I'm not wanted?
I don't want to be the center of attention. I just want to be able to say that I've got friends who care about me, friends I can rely on to help me through the rough times, and not feel like I'm lying to make myself feel better.
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From:
no subject
Yes, it was necessary to say it like that, because of the shock factor. Want to know why? Because I am lately feeling pretty much exactly, exactly the same way. The boyfriend cares about schoolwork more than anything, my other friends are too busy with school/work/life to have time for me, nobody calls. My brain knows people care but my heart doesn't feel it! And the stress of school combined with the stress of an uncertain future hanging over one's head does NOT make for much pleasantness either!
*warm hugs and hot
lesbian sextea for you!*Please call me soon. We'll hang out and vent to each other, and we can have tea, and oooh! Maybe we should bake some cookies or something... or even just make no-bakes which are reeeeally tasty. That should make us feel better even if it's just for an evening.