amadeupname: (hyd rain)
( Mar. 19th, 2008 09:59 pm)
Nick and I watched Zombie Lake tonight. (BTW, you should all go watch it. It has Nazi zombies.) On the way back from returning the videos (because if we didn't return them right away I probably would have forgotten and racked up a nice late fee), I asked him, "You know that thing I asked you about before break?"

And so it goes - paraphrased, of course, and probably somewhat out of order. )

I'm pretty happy with this. I like what I've got with him now that I know what's going on. The only problem is that my brain is saying "Is he interested now? How about now? Now? NOW????" every fifteen seconds, it seems like. Stupid desire for instant gratification. I will live just fine if we're just friends, brain, do you hear me?

And now I sleep, damnit. I have class in the morning and work tomorrow night (yes, work, FINALLY, haven't had any since December and I'll take it even if I loathe this job with every fiber of my being), so I should probably attempt to be well-rested.
amadeupname: (hyd rain)
( Mar. 2nd, 2008 04:01 pm)
I finally asked Nick out.

I tried last night, while he was leaving, but I chickened out. So after lunch, I tried to tell him, waffled for a bit, asked him to walk back to Davis with me, waffled some more, swore, told him I'd talk to him later (after he asked if I wanted help with something), then turned around, called after him, and finally blurted out "Would you want to go on a date sometime?"

He kind of looked at me for a couple seconds, and then said he didn't know, and that he didn't want me to end up getting mad at him and hating him. (Where he came up with this concept I'm not sure, but I told him it'd be pretty hard to get me to hate him forever unless he was a complete jackass on purpose - and by jackass I mean pissing me off to the extent that I was horribly angry, not just teasing me to get me flustered like he usually does - and never apologized for it. He'd pretty much have to start acting like Hawley to get me to even consider hating him.) He asked if he could have time to think about it; I told him of course, that was the point of asking him now. Then we said goodbye and I ran halfway back to Davis, and somehow managed to neither hyperventilate nor cry during the entire thing.

I'm trying not to worry about it, but it's a little difficult. This turned out better than I thought it would, but now I'm stuck wondering for who know how long. It's almost as bad as a 'no' - at least then I'd know right away where I stand, and I could work on finding something else to focus on. But there's nothing I can really do right now, except hope that he says yes. =/
I have an appointment Wednesday to have my tooth looked at. I asked that, if I do need a root canal, they try and get me in to see someone in K-zoo so I don't have to drive to Jackson a third time, as I really can't afford it. (Heck, I can't afford to drive to Jackson NOW, but I could probably get some money from Grandma for gas.) Hopefully that's workable.

I'm still feeling giddy from Saturday night. A bunch of us went ice skating after BAMBA. I'm really, really horrible on ice skates, so the first time around I was clinging to the wall (which is really your best friend when you're on the ice). Then Nick skated up next to me, and he let me hold onto his arm to keep from falling - and then Brittany came up on the other side and held onto my hand to help me along, and Nick took my other hand. And every other time I got on the ice Nick let me hold onto his arm so I wouldn't fall down. I feel kind of silly, being all excited over holding his hand for a couple minutes, but that's a good sign, right?

After that, Nick took me, Luke, and Chelsey out for pizza. I really hope I wasn't too flirty or obvious - Chelsey says I wasn't, but you know me, I can't help but be a little paranoid about it. She also said that I can either ask him out, be a little obvious and hope he gets the hint, or do nothing, in which case nothing would happen, and that even if he did get the hint he might not do anything about it. Well, I don't think I'm ready to ask him out yet, and frankly, I'm having a lot of fun right now just hanging out with him. So I think I might just wait a while before I do anything about this, you know?

And finally, before I forget, I will now post the photos of my iPod case that I made last week, after meaning to for... oh... about four or five days, now. Sorry, Kchan!

Yay for purty pictures! )
I think my ankles are fine for running around outside tonight. I managed to roll the right one and almost roll the left last night (yeah, going down steep grassy hills in the dark when it's pouring rain is NOT a smart idea), but I only had to sit for a couple minutes and then I was okay to at least walk. We didn't have to run after that, anyway, since Will was the only zombie who attacked us and that was way before I managed to hurt myself. (He also went straight for me, and I was dumb enough to not have the gun cocked and tried to fire at him. Luckily everyone else on my team got him before he reached me - but I still screeched like a little girl. Damn.) Dunno if I'm actually gonna play tonight, though. The next page is up for grabs, but Oz and Jimmy aren't playing, so I dunno who's going to be out, and I don't think I'll do too well on my own.

I seem to be managing to not completely obsess over who shall be henceforth known as "The Ubiquitous Him", or TUH. It's kind of hard, since I see him pretty much every day, but hopefully I'm not completely delusional in believing that I'm still mostly under the radar, and it gets easier if I remember that, hey, my other friends are there too, and it's good if I pay attention to them. Everyone keeps telling me that being completely un-obvious is bad as well, since if I don't make it at least slightly evident then he's never going to know. Of course, that leaves the problem of HOW to drop hints so that the onus is not entirely on me to say "Hey, I like you" or whatever - the problem being that I am petrified that giving him any sort of hint makes me come off as creepy and overwhelming, and that he'll avoid me after that and I'll lose a perfectly awesome friend. There's no guarantee that he'll have any sort of feelings for me or that he'll find me attractive - history and odds do not point in my favor. But then, having no self confidence kinda does that to a girl. I'm not a very brave person.

I really, really don't know what the hell I'm doing. And I think that scares me more than the possibility that he doesn't like me.

Oh, and guys? If I am going on about TUH too much? TELL ME. If you haven't noticed by now, I will go on and on and ON about a subject that's been on my mind a lot, and if you don't tell me to knock it off I'll probably talk you to your grave. As long as it's more along the lines of "Hey, you've been talking about (insert boring-to-you topic here) a lot, can you tone it down?" instead of "Shut the fuck up, bitch!", I seriously won't be offended. So, please, let me know if I'm running my mouth too much, okay? I'd like to keep my friends instead of driving them away.

And one last note - will the assholes who keep smoking outside my window please stop? I keep smelling cigarette smoke and it's annoying the shit out of me. I should not be smelling this from the third floor.
amadeupname: (smile for me)
( Sep. 23rd, 2006 09:56 pm)
It was fun while it lasted, but I had a feeling it wouldn't last too long anyway. At least we parted on good terms, and hopefully there won't be any of that nasty tension that most "can we still be friends?" endings bring about.

I'm still going to mope and pig out on chocolate and ice cream, of course, but I'm going to keep this positive. After all, we weren't together nearly long enough for there to be any major problems in the first place. No animosity's built up on my side of it, at any rate.

* * *

And on another note, am I being unreasonable, or is my roommate being overly sensitive? I've asked her, once on each count, to not leave her radio on when she leaves, and to not leave her alarm on when she's not sure if she's going to be sleeping in her room. (And by that I mean when she ends up sleeping over at her boyfriend's or pulling an all-nighter.) Yesterday she said that she thought I was angry about it, and she kept saying that she's really not hard to get along with, and that I hadn't been woken up much earlier than my own alarm had been set. (I don't see what that has to do with it, though. Her alarm still woke me up.)

I don't get it. I wasn't angry about it. I was barely miffed! They were accidents, and I thought I'd asked nicely enough about them. If I was angry, it would show -- I'd be bitter or sarcastic, slightly violent, rather pissy, not polite like I've been so far. She might have thought that I was angry because I accidentally locked her out of the room on Thursday (I forgot she was down the hall and left to go to class), but I told her it was an accident. It's not like I locked her out of the room while she was in the shower like my roommate did to me last year.
amadeupname: (thunderstorm)
( Dec. 27th, 2005 09:01 pm)
[ profile] vadalia's newest post reminded me that in a month, it'll be my two-year LJ anniversary. I read over the first few entries, and damn, was I emo. I hope that I've cheered up since then -- does anyone think so? Have I gotten better?

Christmas was fun. Christmas Eve, not so much. The Christmas Eve party Grandpa holds always has Santa come down and give out presents. Usually the parents pick something out, wrap it up, address it from Santa, and have Grandpa put it in a sack to hand out to the kids. It's not exciting anymore, obviously, but when I was little I loved it.

Well, this year "Santa" forgot my present. I mentioned this to Dad, and he apologized and said he'd left it in his closet. I shrugged and said it was okay, then said that what bugged me wasn't the fact that he forgot the present, but that I was the only one who had noticed. He got upset and told me that he had noticed, and I corrected him, telling him that he'd only noticed because I had brought it to his attention. At this point everyone was gathering for pictures, and I declined, because I really didn't feel like having my picture taken then (and I looked stupid with a big bow around my neck). Dad hissed at me, "You don't have to take it out on them!" and stomped off. Later he came in as "Santa" and gave me my present in front of everyone. (It was a mug similar to one he has. I'd been admiring it earlier this month.) I didn't really want him to come back and give it to me in front of everyone, but I guess I sent him that message when I mentioned nobody noticing my lack of a present.

I left the party right after the stupid "pageant" the kids hold every year. Sheer luck and persistence kept me from being in it (most likely as the donkey). It was raining, but I managed to make it to Mark's okay with my broken windshield wipers. Christmas morning we opened our presents, then drove to Grandma Ruth's house to have dinner with her, Aunt Dee and Uncle Dan, Uncle Steve, and my cousin Beth. All in all, I'd say it was a pretty good Christmas.

My haul:
a Nintendo DS
Super Mario 64 DS
a book on Edgar Degas
two T-shirts
stuff for my car
flannel sheets for my dorm bed
lovely striped and warm socks
mugs (one purple, one green with frogs)
a photo album
Christmas ornaments (to start my own collection)
Trans-Siberian Orchestra tickets (yeah, they count)
a "Smush Bush" doll
$90 in gas cards
$25 Meijer gift card
$20 Waldenbooks gift card
around $300
$30 in quarters for laundry

Mom apologized to me for my presents not being very "exciting" and said that, while I wasn't getting as MUCH as Rob, it was all worth the same. I told her I didn't mind (especially since she'd told me before she was getting my stuff that would help me out later, not "fun" stuff). So far I've bought Jak II with my money, and some manga, and once I get the $100 I earned making two T-shirt quilts, I'll have enough to buy that digital camera I want.

And on to other things...

Last Monday, Katie finally introduced me to her friend Brandon, who she's been trying to set me up with for a while. He's pretty nice; cute, dresses Goth but would look at home in almost any kind of outfit, likes bigger girls, is 22, does construction. We hung out at the mall with Katie and her boyfriend, Beaver, and then we all went back to my house to watch TV for a while. She called me the next day to tell me that he's interested in me, and wants to get to know me better.

So I called Wednesday, leaving a message on her voice mail to call me. No answer, so I called the next day. Still no answer. I've actually been trying to get a hold of her for almost a whole week, and just a day ago she changed her voice mail to "Hey, I don't have my phone on me or with me, so call my house." Problem is, I don't know what her home number is. I'm not sure who would have that number, either. I don't know if she lost her cell phone (which is possible, isn't it?), or if she's avoiding me, or she's been grounded, or what. I really want to talk to her, and I want to see Brandon again. I left a message telling her that I don't know her number, so she either needs to call me or change her vioce mail greeting to include her home phone number. Should I be doing anything else? Mom and Mark say I shouldn't try the phone book just yet.

Dating StrengthsDating Weaknesses
1. Open-Mindedness - 54.5%
2. Financial Situation - 53.8%
1. Appearance - 88.9%
2. Insecurity - 76.9%
3. Shyness - 66.7%
4. Pessimism - 66.7%
5. Humorlessness - 62.5%

Dating Strengths Explained
Open-Mindedness - You are open to trying new things and entertaining new ideas, and this widens your pool of available guys.
Financial Situation - You've got your financial situation under control, which is a very desirable quality. Be careful to avoid guys who are only interested in your money.

Dating Weaknesses Explained
Appearance - Devoting a greater effort at making good first impressions is a must. Try to be fit and develop a style if you want to catch a guy's attention.
Insecurity - Your insecurity makes you doubt yourself, but you must learn to love and trust yourself if you want to succeed in dating.
Shyness - You know all too well the limits shyness places on you. Putting yourself out there in social situations may be difficult, but essential to your dating success.
Pessimism - Too much cynicism can be a turn-off. Try to see the brighter side of things and people will be attracted to your positive outlook.
Humorlessness - You need to learn how to take a joke, or better yet how to tell a good one. A well-developed sense of humor is high on the list of desired traits for daters.

Take the Dating Strengths and Weaknesses Quiz
amadeupname: (cold and white)
( Nov. 26th, 2005 03:30 pm)
disgruntledfemale01: So how am I shallow for liking Chris?
jaswi: Admit it, you only liked his body, he's one of those stupid guys that wastes all their time trying to get looks cause they got nothing upstairs
disgruntledfemale01: Yeah, he's cute, but that's not the only thing I like about guys.
disgruntledfemale01: What I really go for is kindness -- treat me well and I'll get weak-kneed, since I dont' get that a lot.
jaswi: I don't know any other way to treat girls
jaswi: which sucks, cause i got no luck with the ladies
jaswi: I think i might be stretching it if i said i had 5 gf's in highschool, and none lasted a month
disgruntledfemale01: *shrug* I get treated like shit, since I'm not pretty and not all that sociable either
disgruntledfemale01: So if a guy's really nice to me, I'm more than likely going to develop a crush on him
jaswi: sorry i went quiet, raid just got toasted
jaswi: I think your main thing is don't be so pushy with guys
jaswi: guys really do like hard to get
disgruntledfemale01: Well then I'm fucking screwed
jaswi: lol
disgruntledfemale01: because I'm not subtle enough to do that
jaswi: subtlety not your speciality eh?
disgruntledfemale01: fuck no
jaswi: you're what, 18?
disgruntledfemale01: yeah
jaswi: im not gonna say that some guys dont like a direct woman..
jaswi: guess it just seems really really really odd for me
jaswi: cause I was so disgustingly ugly and worthless all through school
disgruntledfemale01: I never got the appeal of hard to get
disgruntledfemale01: Why torture yourself and the other person, and potentially send the wrong signals?
jaswi: i dunno, its always the girls doing it, you tell me lol
disgruntledfemale01: I just don't get it. I guess it's the whole attraction to what you can't have thing, but to me it's just stupid
jaswi: probably something along those lines, or the whole its not as sweet if you dont have to work for it thing
disgruntledfemale01: Just sounds really frustrating to me.
disgruntledfemale01: plus drawing things out like that just makes me impatient and miserable

I seriously don't get it. What is so appealing about a girl (or guy for that matter) flirting with you one minute, then acting like you don't exist, or like you're lower than the mold on last week's balogna sandwich? To me, that seems like a person I wouldn't want to be around at all, if they're that indecisive or two-faced or just plain sociopathic. What's the attraction in being strung along, or in feigning distinterest (or interest, even, if that's your thing), when the slightest misstep means he either walks off in disgust because you're being "too obvious" and that ruins the 'game', or causes him to assume that you really aren't interested and he should just move on. That's the biggest form of psychological sadomasochistic torture I've ever seen; why put yourself and the person you're interested in through that? What does it prove? That you can withstand someone's mind games, and therefore you're clear to go out with them?

I can't do that kind of thing. Maybe it's because I don't know how, or because it wouldn't work even if I did. That kind of thing works with pretty girls, interesting girls, girls that have a large enough amount of guys who are interested in them that they can spare one or two if they get frustrated. It doesn't work with girls like me, who aren't ravishingly pretty or altogether captivating; if I'm subtle, guys ignore me. Being direct is the only way I'll be able to tell if I should just give up or keep trying, because that's the only way I'm guaranteed a reaction. Why the hell should I force myself to be even more uncomfortable around guys than I already am?

Guys, why is this so fucking appealing? Whatever happened to "Hi, you seem interesting and I'd like to get to know you, would you like to go out for coffee/a cigarette/bowling/a romp in the hay sometime?"


amadeupname: (Default)
Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.


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