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amadeupname Oct. 13th, 2007 11:44 am)
amadeupname Oct. 13th, 2007 11:44 am)Oh man, last night was all kinds of frustrating and drama-tastic.
Anyone who knows me knows that it takes a lot of time and effort for me to be able to go up to a guy and tell him how I really feel about him. I tend to freak out and obsess and rant and do just about anything to avoid actually coming out and saying it. So when I finally decided I was going to suck it up and say something so I could get this all off my chest and stop worrying about it, my friend decided yesterday morning was a great time tell me she likes him too, and I don't hate her, do I? Well, no, that would be silly and petty, especially when we all hang out together. I say it's fine, and that I'm going to be telling him anyway. She has no problem with this.
Fast forward to last night, when she says, "Well, I already told him I like him last night, and we were supposed to do something today." There are more "Please don't hate me"'s, and apologies, and every time she says it I get angrier and angrier. Here she has the audacity to go on about the "Girl's Code" regarding a similar situation, when she's already shattered through it. News flash: when your friend told you a month ago that she likes a mutual friend of yours, and you find yourself liking him, it's really bad form to tell him you like him before she has a chance to. Crudely put, your friend already called dibs on the guy. It's like going shopping, and your friend sees an outfit that she likes but can't afford right now. You don't go back the next day and buy that outfit for yourself. It violates their trust. It's low. It's sneaky. A lot of people find it unforgivable, and saying "I'm sorry" enough times is NOT going to make it better.
So, I'm pissed off for a good hour or so. I slam a few doors around the Bernhard Center, then go off by myself to cry and figure out what I'm going to do next. And I decide I'm still going to tell him. I need resolution, and if I chicken out now, it's never going to get done and I'll just be miserable. So I manage to get a "Hey, can I talk to you before you go home?" in while we're running around campus, and we finally get to talking somewhere around 12:45 or so. As usual, I can't seem to actually say anything, so there's a lot of "Um.... crap, I... um..." and hiding my face in my hands. I'm expecting him to say something like, "Look, I really just like you as a friend. I gotta go now... I've got, uh, stuff to do. See ya," and then run off and avoid me for the rest of the year, like everyone else does. So when he holds his arms out for a hug and says, "Hey, I'm no good at this either," I swear I almost start crying. That right there is more than I could have possibly hoped for out of all this.
I manage to get the rest out, and we end up talking out in the cold for about half an hour. He's not into me that way, but he definitely wants to be my friend. Not only do I have yet another awesome friend, but I still get hugs. Things are looking pretty good.
And if it wasn't clear enough: Luke, you're friggin' awesome.
In unrelated news, my feet hurt. A lot. And I'm contemplating working on a Dominic Deegan scarf once I finish my Christmas presents.
Anyone who knows me knows that it takes a lot of time and effort for me to be able to go up to a guy and tell him how I really feel about him. I tend to freak out and obsess and rant and do just about anything to avoid actually coming out and saying it. So when I finally decided I was going to suck it up and say something so I could get this all off my chest and stop worrying about it, my friend decided yesterday morning was a great time tell me she likes him too, and I don't hate her, do I? Well, no, that would be silly and petty, especially when we all hang out together. I say it's fine, and that I'm going to be telling him anyway. She has no problem with this.
Fast forward to last night, when she says, "Well, I already told him I like him last night, and we were supposed to do something today." There are more "Please don't hate me"'s, and apologies, and every time she says it I get angrier and angrier. Here she has the audacity to go on about the "Girl's Code" regarding a similar situation, when she's already shattered through it. News flash: when your friend told you a month ago that she likes a mutual friend of yours, and you find yourself liking him, it's really bad form to tell him you like him before she has a chance to. Crudely put, your friend already called dibs on the guy. It's like going shopping, and your friend sees an outfit that she likes but can't afford right now. You don't go back the next day and buy that outfit for yourself. It violates their trust. It's low. It's sneaky. A lot of people find it unforgivable, and saying "I'm sorry" enough times is NOT going to make it better.
So, I'm pissed off for a good hour or so. I slam a few doors around the Bernhard Center, then go off by myself to cry and figure out what I'm going to do next. And I decide I'm still going to tell him. I need resolution, and if I chicken out now, it's never going to get done and I'll just be miserable. So I manage to get a "Hey, can I talk to you before you go home?" in while we're running around campus, and we finally get to talking somewhere around 12:45 or so. As usual, I can't seem to actually say anything, so there's a lot of "Um.... crap, I... um..." and hiding my face in my hands. I'm expecting him to say something like, "Look, I really just like you as a friend. I gotta go now... I've got, uh, stuff to do. See ya," and then run off and avoid me for the rest of the year, like everyone else does. So when he holds his arms out for a hug and says, "Hey, I'm no good at this either," I swear I almost start crying. That right there is more than I could have possibly hoped for out of all this.
I manage to get the rest out, and we end up talking out in the cold for about half an hour. He's not into me that way, but he definitely wants to be my friend. Not only do I have yet another awesome friend, but I still get hugs. Things are looking pretty good.
And if it wasn't clear enough: Luke, you're friggin' awesome.
In unrelated news, my feet hurt. A lot. And I'm contemplating working on a Dominic Deegan scarf once I finish my Christmas presents.
