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So I've been going over the requirements for the computer I need for Graphic Design. I need an Apple Powerbook G4 -- $1,300. With all the software (Adobe Creative Suite, Microsoft Office, Macromedia Studio)? That's $3,700. $3,700 that I don't have. And I can't count on my parents to buy the software for me -- not when Dad keeps throwing hissy fits about who's paying what on my tuition, and Mom has another, just as expensive, kid to raise by herself.
I don't even know if I'm capable of being able to do this. I can't do anything like the examples on the site. Even the application pieces they show are better than what I can do. All I draw is lineart, and this is full-blown, shaded, charcoal/colored pencil/whatever ART. I can't do that. I do manga -- not even good manga. And art schools don't want manga. They want "real" art, which is on a level higher than I can reach at this moment.
Goddamnit, this is not that fucking big a deal and why the hell am I still crying?!
I know I'm overreacting. I know I'm acting stupid. But I don't know how to stop myself, I don't know how to let things go, and I don't know how to keep from obsessing over this. I don't even know if this is right for me -- I haven't really drawn in months, other than quick, crappy sketches when I'm bored. I don't want to waste money on a computer system I'm not comfortable with if I don't get into the program. I don't know what else I could go into. I thought maybe I could be a translator, but I don't know. I just don't know.
I don't even know if I'm capable of being able to do this. I can't do anything like the examples on the site. Even the application pieces they show are better than what I can do. All I draw is lineart, and this is full-blown, shaded, charcoal/colored pencil/whatever ART. I can't do that. I do manga -- not even good manga. And art schools don't want manga. They want "real" art, which is on a level higher than I can reach at this moment.
Goddamnit, this is not that fucking big a deal and why the hell am I still crying?!
I know I'm overreacting. I know I'm acting stupid. But I don't know how to stop myself, I don't know how to let things go, and I don't know how to keep from obsessing over this. I don't even know if this is right for me -- I haven't really drawn in months, other than quick, crappy sketches when I'm bored. I don't want to waste money on a computer system I'm not comfortable with if I don't get into the program. I don't know what else I could go into. I thought maybe I could be a translator, but I don't know. I just don't know.
