I don't have friends; I have heralds.

[amadeupname]

I guess it was stupid to post about what I did last weekend; however, I assumed that, having a filter set up so that only those I wanted to read woult be able to read, I was safe.

Thank you, Jennie/ladyamda, for proving me wrong.

I filtered it because I knew you were not supportive of the idea of premarital sex. I filtered it because I knew you'd have problems with it and would do something. But I counted you as my friend, and I honestly did not think that you would stoop so low.

You have no right to tell THE ENTIRE LUNCH TABLE about such things. Yes, it's in my Livejournal. That doesn't mean I want you to tell the whole fucking school. That means, actually, that I trust you with this information, and that I feel you are capable of handling it and not spreading it around. Thanks for effectively condemning me as a whore and lecturing me, bitch. Please, do forget that you do many more things than I do that disappoint your parents, and I neither lecture nor tell everybody. I treat you as a friend, and you have backstabbed me.

You've also proven yourself to be a hypocrite. You talk about sex, write about sex, and look at yaoi. Yet, when I go through with having sex, you jump down my throat. I fail to see how that behavior is consistent with past actions, and how you are to be considered my friend.

This is now going to be a friends only journal. Jennie, you have until Monday, September 13, to reply to me via LJ, and then I am removing you from my friendslist, and to contact me you will have to IM me or email me. Frankly, I don't want to hear from you unless you are to explain yourself, apologize, compromise, or any combination of the three.

Am I not allowed to enjoy myself? Please, tell me, I'd love to know. I found someone who's physically attracted to me, someone I actually like in more than a "Oh, he's sorta cute" way, and we acted upon that. Safely. We took every cautionary measure possible. It's none of your business what I do, anyway. Even if I had left the entry available to you, there was nothing forcing you to read it. You could have very well left it alone, ignored it, and let me be.

So again, thank you so very fucking much, you horrible bitch, for shattering my trust and treating me like dog shit.

Oh, and Chelsey, as yours was the account Jennie used to read the filtered entry, I suggest you change your password. Obviously, Jennie will go to any length to betray.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Not that it can change anything, you should keep stuff like having sex to yourself. You should keep that a private and precious thing. Your friends ARE really low though and you don't have to put up with those kinds of people. Move on and live life to it's fullest, no matter what you do or who betrays you.

[maladaptive.livejournal.com]

And people wonder why my journal really has very little to do with my personal life. I don't care anymore what people think of me-- it was important in high school, simply because it was easier to avoid having the administration know you. But now I still avoid personal issues, and it's for reasons like this. You never really know who to trust until they turn around.

Call me heartless, but I never forget. Feel free to forgive, but I advise that you never forget either. It saves you a lot of pain in the long run when you see who's trustworthy and who isn't. Like above said though, don't let it tangle you up; they're really not worth it. Cliche advice I know, but it works!

I'm just really sorry that it had to happen to you like that.

And by the way: you're perfectly allowed to have sex, and you don't need anyone's permission or even approval to do so as long as it makes you happy. If other people can't appreciate it, you're better off without them.

[thesaneminority.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thanks, to the both of you. I didn't want to hear the "don't post" stuff, but I needed to, and I'm glad you guys are truthfull and will tell me the stuff that's needed. Sam, are you going to be online this weekend?

[galenhiril.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry people are jerks :(

[evil-dori54.livejournal.com]

Personally I don't support premarital sex, but Jesus, do what you want to do, not what your friends advise you to do. You were careful, you were responsible, and you found the right person to do it with. Continue if you want.

Most of my personal stuff goes under friends only. I don't trust my friends with the information I post, so I keep it hush-hush. You don't know whose looking at your Livejournal and why, but I wouldn't go entirely paranoid about hiding everything. Just the really important, personal things, that's all.

Sounds like your friend needs to reconsider what she's done and rethink of her morals. It does sound hypocritical what she's done. And if she doesn't consider talking things out with you, well, it's her loss. Hope things work out for you.

[ladyamda.livejournal.com]

'You have no right to tell THE ENTIRE LUNCH TABLE about such things.'
I'm not the one who told the lunch table. That was some one entirely different.

'You've also proven yourself to be a hypocrite. You talk about sex, write about sex, and look at yaoi. Yet, when I go through with having sex, you jump down my throat. '
I believe I explained to you before about the difference between fantasy and reality. And I never ever talk/write about myself having sex. So it's not like my body was unpurified.


'Am I not allowed to enjoy myself? Please, tell me, I'd love to know. I found someone who's physically attracted to me, someone I actually like in more than a "Oh, he's sorta cute" way, and we acted upon that.'
Tell me. You may have met 'Don' a few years back, but how well do you really know him? Basing purely on the fact that I've never heard you talk about him, it can't be all that well, but maybe it's just me. My thoughts on sex is something for the people you are absolutely sure you want to give your life to. I'm sure your boyfriend would be absolutely pleased to hear about you and Russel. ^^

'Oh, and Chelsey, as yours was the account Jennie used to read the filtered entry, I suggest you change your password. Obviously, Jennie will go to any length to betray.'
By the way, your journal still appeared on my flist. And beside that, Chelsey trusts me. And I trust her. Truely. We may have our little fights, but our trust is still there. I wouldn't betray her. Especially since she's one of the few people I can allow myself to like. (And sorry Chels, if you ever decide to read this but...) Chelsey is the one who told me about your little 'actions'.

Yes, I'm a cold hearted bitch. Can you expect anything less? I grew up different than you. I didn't recieve the compassion you did. You think your life is horrid? Well, it's not nearly as bad as some. Even though I don't like Deanna anymore, I can feel some sympathy for her because she had a terrible life! But at least she's not all 'ANGST! ANGST!!! My life is so terrible! I'm fat, ugly, stupid, no one likes me, ect. ect. ect.' I admire her for her strength and not giving a rats ass about other's opinions about her and at least 'trying' to move on.

Thanks for your time! =^.^=

[greyepsilon.livejournal.com]

But at least she's not all 'ANGST! ANGST!!! My life is so terrible! I'm fat, ugly, stupid, no one likes me, ect. ect. ect.' I admire her for her strength and not giving a rats ass about other's opinions about her and at least 'trying' to move on.

Not exactly fair of you to say. So this is the way she releases certain feelings--get over it. Otherwise it might be kept inside of her and actually hurting her more than it had already. You should respect the way that people release their angst. Teenagers have it--I'm sure you do as well--and it's not fair when one's looked down upon because their manner of releasing it isn't up to 'your' standards.

If you're a cold bitch for anything, in my opinion, it's because of that.

[ladyamda.livejournal.com]

I'm sure I do angst a bit. But when I have to hear almost everytime I talk to a person, I become tired of trying to be supportive. Especially if it's almost always the same topic.

Besides, isn't it good to think highly of yourself?

[evil-dori54.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your time! =^.^=

You can't get any more gay than that. At least leave out the stupid kitten face when you try to insult someone back. Nobody takes that seriously. As for the personal business, it's none of mine.

[ladyamda.livejournal.com]

My my my... What, pray tell, do you have to be so angry about? That, by the way, isn't supposed to be a kitten face. It's more of a happy blushy face. And it's there to show that I'm hardly affected by all of this and to piss people off further.

I dare say that by your reaction, it has worked.

Also, if you're going to use the word 'gay', please use it in correct context. It's highly offensive and discriminatory. Plus the fact that it makes you sound like a fool.

[kchanzeal.livejournal.com]

Having self-confidence and being egotistical are two different things.

[evil-dori54.livejournal.com]

Yeah, right, I just said "gay" so I can insult gay people everywhere and be foolish...even though gay technically means "happy" or "silly." But whatever.

And it's both a blushing face and a kitty face. I've seen it enough times as a cat face to know.

[kchanzeal.livejournal.com]

For one, the =^.^= emicon is a kitty face. That's what it's known for.

Two, that's really very mature of you, posting it just to piss people off. It makes me wonder about the rest of your post.

Three, don't be offensive and discriminatory if you're going to lecture other people about being so.

Bitcher, bitch at thyself.

[ladyamda.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Whatever. Sorry, but I just get peeved at people who use that word. It's overused, you know? May be just me...

I've never known it as a kitty face... I would use this >^.^< as a kitty face, but I never find a use for it.

[ladyamda.livejournal.com]

I guess it could be, but I've never seen it like that. Have an open mind! It could be many things!

I may be being offensive, but how am I being discriminatory?

Oh, and if you're wondering about my maturity, I'm wondering just the same about you. 'Bitcher, bitch at thyself.'? I could very easily turn that around and aim it at you, as you are doing a bit of ranting yourself.

[ladyamda.livejournal.com]

Seeing how little you know about me, I don't think you're ready to judge me as 'egotistical' yet. I mean, we've only known eachother for what? 4 posts?

[kchanzeal.livejournal.com]

I'm only trying to protect my friend because I love her. She is one of the sweetest people I know. Frankly, you disgust me. You're trying way too hard to be impressive. I'm also done because I don't feel like turning this into a full blown flame war. I'm hoping you will do the same.

[ladyamda.livejournal.com]

Right. I agree with you. I have several other tasks to complete so I really don't want this to turn into a war either. Especially since I don't know you.
I'm sure Sarah would be glad to know that she has such caring friends.

[the-rpgenius.livejournal.com]

Seeing how you've treated her as a "friend," I highly doubt she'll have a problem with any of her friends who actually treat her as such informing you of just how ignorantly hypocritical an egomaniac you are.

[greyepsilon.livejournal.com]

Yes--but not everyone will ever be happy about themselves in some regard, will they? And sometimes, when you do end up thinking that you're alright, are you egotistical or aiming too high on reading your own emotions? Rarely do people that think of themselves lowly to rebound simply because it makes perfect logic to say what you stated. That doesn't happen all the time, and neither is it extremely safe to go cold turkey on it without rationalizing it to oneself.

[greyepsilon.livejournal.com]

Nonono--she has a point.

[ladyamda.livejournal.com]

How am I hypocritical?
And I don't mind that all of you call me egotistical/egomaniac/whatever. I'd rather think highly of myself and actual like myself rather than be all mopey and depressed.

[niiea.livejournal.com]

I really feel as if I have to put my two cents in. I didn't read this post, but now I would like to just because I've been trying to keep up with Sarah's busy life and... well, any material I can get my hands I will read. Wow. That really sounds like I'm a stalker!

Anyway. Jennie. Jennie Jennie Jennie. How does it feel to lose Sarah's trust? Sarah is a DAMN good person and you... you've obviously done something wrong to make her so mad. I dislike people who make Sarah mad.

I don't think ANYONE should ever talk about maturity, or immaturity for that matter, because in my eyes NO ONE is mature. Mature people are above such things and if you think you're mature...well, you aren't. Unless you're talking about physically, then that's a different story. However, mentally...just, no. No one is mature. So immature really isn't a good insult. It's like saying "HAHA you're HUMAN."

Which, I need to point out, is true. Everyone is human and needs to be respected. So Sarah should be respected and so should Jennie. And so should everyone else. And so should I so please don't yell at me.

As for Sarah, as long as you are safe, healthy and happy I want you to do whatever your heart pangs for. I love you to do death and only wish you the best.

I hope you're doing well, and since we barely ever talk I hope you keep doing well, if that's the case. If you ever need help, just tell me, I'd be glad to catch a plane and jump to your rescue.

POOF

[greyepsilon.livejournal.com]

First off, you're really egotisical if you're trying to prove that your purpose is to 'to show that I'm hardly affected by all of this and to piss people off further' by trying to strike a low blow first into Sarah. A side note: I've never been this calm and confident about a debate for a long while now.

My second point: personally, I'm not entirely happy she had sex either, but am I going to bitch at her because she made a connection and ran with it? Hell no. I'm going to be her friend and listen to her about what she did and whatever else she wants to talk about. Her life is her own, while I can be there for her and advise her, she will never live by my standards all the time. Just because she stooped below yours doesn't give you the right to attack her for it. It never should.

[greyepsilon.livejournal.com]

I think an oriental proverb counters perfectly what you're asking rhetorically: 'People who fly their kites fast run out of string faster.'

[ladyamda.livejournal.com]

I got the point that I'm egotistical and I'm fine with you calling me that. I just want to know how I'm being hypocritical.

And in response to your second paragraph. I don't know if it's because I was brought up with a family chock full of morals or what, but I highly disapprove of premarital sex. Especially with people you barely know. I think that if you read my previous posts, you'd know that.

I just can't handle a friend with no self-control. I also can't handle the fact that she forced herself (and by force I mean beg) on Russel then spread it around to all her friends. I think that personal life should remain personal. Not everyone wants to hear about how you sucked cock or yadda yadda.

Granted, I'm not happy with the way Russel treated the situation. He should've stuck to no and not give in. If you don't want to have sex, any form of it, then you don't want to have sex.

Yeah, I am a bitch and whatever other name you want to call me. But I never leave without a bang.

[ladyamda.livejournal.com]

Who are you? You're talking to me on first name basis?

I don't feel anything. I have to care about something to feel it's loss.

And as for maturity... I think it's more on opinion.

[ladyamda.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm glad I'm not oriental then.
And the only question I asked was how I was being hypocritical. In which your post explained nothing.

[niiea.livejournal.com]

Yes I'm talking to you on a first name basis. What's wrong with that?

It's sad that you don't feel anything. Really sad. You missed out on a great chance to have an awesome friend.

As for maturity... I don't like you.

[greyepsilon.livejournal.com]

I know where you're coming from on the morals platform. I've been raised in a fairly well-to-do middle class family, and only recently have started to 'condescend' if only barely without drastic changes.

I also agree on how a personal life should remain personal. But 'personal' is defined on a per-case basis and that definition is at the complete discretion of whoever's personal life it is. If she wanted to tell some people and not others, then she wanted to tell some people and not others. There are obviously different levels of trust that exist and a blogging system that never does what you want it to do when you really need it to do so.

But it was her choice to become so compelled to do so, and Russel's decision about whether or not to stand up to his beliefs or personal standards. They should live and die by their own actions, don't you think so? We are not to judge them until we get a gravel or that letter to go to jury duty, alright?

[greyepsilon.livejournal.com]

Yes, that was before I woke up and realized your being egotistical was not being debated. That post is rather invalid now, heh.

[ladyamda.livejournal.com]

We all have our brain fart moments.
Totally off topic, but... what's that in your icon?

[niiea.livejournal.com]

You can shove your morals down your throat. You may have been brought up with "morals" but no one taught you respect.

You have no self-control with your ranting!

I've already come up with two reasons why you're hypocritical.

First, you bash Sarah for having no morals and no self-control but you have no respect for anyone, and your morals are in the trash. Morally, you should respect people! But you don't. Second, you don't have self-control either. You let curses out with no worry (I personally don't have a problem with it, just proving a point.) andddddddd you're just a bitch. So...

Sadly, my dear, you ARE a hypocrite.

Plus!!! I couldn't hear your bang. Mine will be louder. Wheeeee.

[BIGGEST LOUDEST BANG EVER]

[ladyamda.livejournal.com]

Umm... I'm having trouble understanding you. Maybe I should tell you that hypocritical basically means telling someone not to do something then turn around and do it yourself.

I never told anyone to respect others or have self-control. I only frowned on it.

And as for swearing, I've only done it so far to repeat what people have said or to call myself a bitch. So I've said one curse word. And if you really want to prove your point, please reread Sarah's post. You'll find it full of curse words.

Please come up with a LOGICAL excuse for me being a hypocrite.

And, grow up a bit before taking me on. Seriously, you sound like a child. Perhaps you are, I wouldn't know.

Also, if you would find it in your heart to stop replying to my posts. If I'm to argue, I want a bit of a challenge. One that you aren't providing.

[evil-dori54.livejournal.com]

Not everything is as discriminating and hateful as it seems, and I wasn't out to insult a specific group in society. Gay originally means "happy" or "silly," and I just assumed that other people knew that, too. I don't even use the word that often. If people out there used it to be hateful on purpose, that's a reason to get angry, but I wasn't aiming towards that. I'll just use "silly" next time, then.

Well, I'm sorry if the word offended you, but you need to lighten up a bit. If you keep taking things this little so seriously and think everything needs to work some certain way, you're not going to enjoy life for what it is.

[niiea.livejournal.com]

I said I have no problem with cursing. You were just boasting about your perfect morals and upbringing and wanted to point that out.
I was being perfectly logical. I'm not going to explain it more. Too lazy.
I told you not to bring up maturity. You shouldn't speak of it.

You need to lighten up and live a little and stop putting yourself in terribly bad situations making people who don't even KNOW you dislike you.

My last comment. Fuck you, you fucking bitch..

NO! One more comment. It's really funny how everyone takes these things so seriously. How everyone is sitting in front of their computers refreshing this post. Oh man, it really tickles me.

[ladyamda.livejournal.com]

*shrugs* You really are a child. Pity. It would've been fun to argue, if only you were a bit more.... witty.

Funny, how you tell me to lighten up. "Fuck you, you fucking bitch..."? Um... okay. If you say so. Real intelligent there. And so very very insulting. In fact, I'm weeping at your words.

Yeah, it tickles me that you would "Put in your two cents" here without reading the post.

By the way. You were not making any sense, and your excuse 'too lazy' makes me think that you have now way of backing up your comment and are looking for an easy way out.

Please, explain how you were being logical.

And what should I care if you dislike me or not? It doesn't effect me in the least bit.

[ladyamda.livejournal.com]

It's hard to tell how you're using it over the internet. When I can't hear a voice, I'm not sure how people are really feeling.

But anyway, you apologized so... there's no reason to argue over that any further.

[niiea.livejournal.com]

I READ THE POST. Enough of you. Enough of this.

STOP REPLYING TO MY POSTS I DON'T WANT THE FUCKING E-MAILS ANYMORE.

Also, saying fuck you is light and cheery enough for me, how about you? Never mind, don't answer.

If you don't want answers don't ask questions.

I make complete sense. You're wrong. That's all. Goodbye!

[maladaptive.livejournal.com]

I'll try to be-- my grandparents are in Philly, but I really want the chance to write. I'll leave my AIM up so leave a message whenever you want, okay?

And hey, the truth is what I do, whether you want it or not =)

[greyepsilon.livejournal.com]

Solid Snake from MGS fame. :)

[thesaneminority.livejournal.com]

Ah, Jen, how easily you forget your own nature, for you ARE egotistical.

[thesaneminority.livejournal.com]

Angst angst angst? My my, Jen, what little attention we pay. For the past few months or so, I've been doing immensely better. I do not, for example, complain every time I talk to you, unless perhaps you are referring to the current altercation with my dad. To which I must reply that you complain about your parents just as much, and are much more vengeful than I.

To your "swearing" discussion with Delia -- yes, I swear. I swear like a truck driver sometimes. Not the most elegant or witty way of expressing myself, but you are hardly one to talk. And if you'll note, in the actual post ya'll are replying to, I swore twice. I swear more than that when I complain about homework.

Chelsey I can deal with on my own. Chelsey is not in question at the moment -- you are. And how she can trust a sociopath, I don't know, but then if she told you so easily I can only assume that she was never my friend to begin with either.

Do not hold me to YOUR morals. That is how you are being hypocritical -- you hold me to your standards and deign to punish me when I do not meet them, much as (and please forgive the overused/crass analogy) fundamentalist Christians treat homosexuals. You scream for gay rights with the rest of them, but when your friend does something you disagree with, you act like a rabid fundie and seek to make life a living hell for me. Tell me how THAT is not hypocritical, and I might just give you a non-poisoned cookie.

[thesaneminority.livejournal.com]

Correction, I swore THREE times in the original post.

[ladyamda.livejournal.com]

Yes, you still do angst. True you've gotten better though. But you try too hard to be perfect. You practically shove your abilities down people's throats in attempt to gain some sort of attention. And when someone doesn't applaud you on what you can do, you become all sad and mopey. As I remember one of your posts saying "My art is mediocre, my writing sucks" and yadda yadda.

As for my swearing, you'll note that I rarely do it while trying to be serious, mainly because it sounds rather childish.

Ah.... so someone has answered my question. Though, I can't really consider it hypocritical. For an explanation, I wouldn't have cared so much if you had done anything else. How little you pay attention. Do not answer this question, for I do not wish to carry this any further, but how often do I rant and rave about skanks? Teenagers none the less?
You just did something that I truely hate. Can you expect anything different from me? And beside, the way you publicized your 'sex life' on the internet, I thought that you wanted people to know. Just like the blow job with Russel. From what I understand, you told a lot of people at school about that. Did you even take into consideration that maybe people do not want to imagine that? (that is, Chelsey, Jessica, ect...)
This 'friendship' needed to end. Beside, I gather that you want to spend more time with your internet buds than your real life ones. I thought maybe it was just me that you replied to with one word answers like 'eeee' or 'heh', and only talked to over the phone for five minutes, but it seems not. Glad you can hold a relationship via internet! Too bad you can't do much the same in real life.
So I'll be seeing you around when you decide to give my stuff back. (Please, may I have the Loreena McKennit CD back?) From there on, let's just pretend we never met. It's for the better, don't you think?

P.S. Man, Mom and I think you've got some balls telling your mother like that. ^^ So there is some confidence in you after all! *Pats on back*

P.S. Again Please tell your little internet friends to give it up after this post. I do not want to argue with them. Especially ones who argue with the intelligence of a five year old.

[thesaneminority.livejournal.com]

I don't own my friends. You'll get your shit back.

[thesaneminority.livejournal.com]

Also, about the "friendship" thing, and online friends -- I have a tendency to give EVERYONE one or two word answers, especially when I'm busy and the conversation is going nowhere. I talk to almost no one on the phone now, because I feel uncomfortable with the silence that inevitably occurs. I don't call people, they don't call me, and I'm fine with that. If I'm going to pause while talking to someone, I'll pause face to face, not on the phone where it's pretty much expected to keep talking.