(no subject)

[amadeupname]

I just feel really stupid right now. I know I shouldn't have procrastinated in the first place, and now I have three papers to write, but it's like I can't really understand the articles I need to respond to, and this film analysis is leaving me scratching my head. It's not like an essay, which I've at least had practice at, even if I can't write them all that well. And I don't know if I can come up with four pages worth of response to this movie -- I mean, American History X is good, and worth much more than four or five pages, but I don't think I, personally, am capable of doing this. Hell, I can't even hold a decent conversation with Jimmy, Andy, and Drew, because it always turns into a debate and I can't handle that kind of discussion -- I'm never educated enough on the subjects I talk about, and I always end up looking like a fool while people who know how to at least sound like they know what they're talking about, even if they really don't, verbally kick my ass. I always get upset, and that usually leads to me withdrawing from the conversation in a sulk because I can't hold my own, and I always end up feeling stupid and, in this case, subhuman, especially with all of Andy's male chauvenist rhetoric.

Why can't I just go and hang out with my friends without feeling stupid, picked on, worthless, annoying, unnecessary, invisible, and/or used?

Comments

[hidden-now5.livejournal.com]

When you left Andy said that he felt pretty bad. I just looked at him and said "she was right, you know", then for the next few minutes we discussed the differences. We all came to an agreement, more or less it's what you were saying.

think about it, is it really so much of a talent to argue something you know is wrong? I've tried it and done it, more or less to prove I could, and it didn't really prove anything! No one can argue everything - it takes a certain degree of conviction to argue certain subjects; why waste it on somethign petty? Andy was playing off your frustration, and that's why he felt bad about pissing you off (because that's what happens when people use such a tactic!). You were at kind of a disadvantage since the three of us regularly debate things with each other and other people. You also had a conservative, a moderate, and a liberal at the table - that's a recipe for disaster!

Don't feel bad, you were right and we all know it!

[thesaneminority.livejournal.com]

Was Drew supposed to be the liberal?

It's not that I want to be able to argue things I know are wrong, so much as I'd like to be able to hold my own in a debate without feeling like a putz. And, you know, not get so frustrated that people like Andy use that against me.