(no subject)

[amadeupname]

I just feel really stupid right now. I know I shouldn't have procrastinated in the first place, and now I have three papers to write, but it's like I can't really understand the articles I need to respond to, and this film analysis is leaving me scratching my head. It's not like an essay, which I've at least had practice at, even if I can't write them all that well. And I don't know if I can come up with four pages worth of response to this movie -- I mean, American History X is good, and worth much more than four or five pages, but I don't think I, personally, am capable of doing this. Hell, I can't even hold a decent conversation with Jimmy, Andy, and Drew, because it always turns into a debate and I can't handle that kind of discussion -- I'm never educated enough on the subjects I talk about, and I always end up looking like a fool while people who know how to at least sound like they know what they're talking about, even if they really don't, verbally kick my ass. I always get upset, and that usually leads to me withdrawing from the conversation in a sulk because I can't hold my own, and I always end up feeling stupid and, in this case, subhuman, especially with all of Andy's male chauvenist rhetoric.

Why can't I just go and hang out with my friends without feeling stupid, picked on, worthless, annoying, unnecessary, invisible, and/or used?