Make time for yourself, for you only. Friendship is a lot like enjoying cake. This is a strange metaphor, but bear with me for a tic. See, let's say you've baked a cake. It's lop-sided and the frosting is a strange color and there's leftover candle wax everywhere. If you offer it to your friends, they'll most likely eat a piece because nobody hates free cake. Nobody hates hanging out or having fun with friends, especially when the offer is given to them.
But. They don't call you up asking for more cake (is this making sense?). That upsets you, because, the cake tasted fine to you and nobody complained. But, the more and more you *don't* hear from them, the more you think your cake was bad. Maybe it secretly gave someone diarrhea. So, you dress up your cake and try to make it look like one of those store-brand ones. You fix the bumps and rewrite the recipe and through all of this hard work, nobody notices. Nobody offers you some of *their* cake. You can either frustrate yourself into becoming an expert baker, or, you can eat the cake by yourself.
Meanwhile, maybe somebody had a natsy breakup. Maybe they need that triple chocolate layer baked good that you offered them. But, hurt as you are by their previous silence, you offer none. Eventually, they'll miss that cake and start calling around. That's fine, you take a book and your cake and sit alone in a park and smile as if that cake were the best damn thing around, and now they're missing out on it because of negligent behavior.
See, in order for people to crave your company, you must treat *yourself* as if you are the best cake in the world. And you're not sharing, until someone shares theirs. I guess this all boils down to what any head doctor can tell you: love thyself. If you have criticisms about yourself, fix them to the best of your ability (in a healthy manner, preferably. Nobody can befriend you if you're dead). But always love yourself. Nobody will want a piece of your cake if you keep telling them that it's horrible.
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Date: 2006-10-30 06:48 pm (UTC)But. They don't call you up asking for more cake (is this making sense?). That upsets you, because, the cake tasted fine to you and nobody complained. But, the more and more you *don't* hear from them, the more you think your cake was bad. Maybe it secretly gave someone diarrhea. So, you dress up your cake and try to make it look like one of those store-brand ones. You fix the bumps and rewrite the recipe and through all of this hard work, nobody notices. Nobody offers you some of *their* cake. You can either frustrate yourself into becoming an expert baker, or, you can eat the cake by yourself.
Meanwhile, maybe somebody had a natsy breakup. Maybe they need that triple chocolate layer baked good that you offered them. But, hurt as you are by their previous silence, you offer none. Eventually, they'll miss that cake and start calling around. That's fine, you take a book and your cake and sit alone in a park and smile as if that cake were the best damn thing around, and now they're missing out on it because of negligent behavior.
See, in order for people to crave your company, you must treat *yourself* as if you are the best cake in the world. And you're not sharing, until someone shares theirs. I guess this all boils down to what any head doctor can tell you: love thyself. If you have criticisms about yourself, fix them to the best of your ability (in a healthy manner, preferably. Nobody can befriend you if you're dead). But always love yourself. Nobody will want a piece of your cake if you keep telling them that it's horrible.