......

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and not registered that the face staring back at you is really you? Or even point-blank refused to accept it? I did that this morning -- I stared at myself while I brushed my hair and wondered if that was really me. I don't know about anyone else, but my self-image tends to differ greatly from my actual appearance, no matter what mood I'm in. It's not a pleasant surprise to stare in the mirror, either -- not usually.

I want contacts. I used to like my glasses, and thought I looked better with my hair up when I had them on. Now I want them off -- they make my face look wider. They're crooked all the time. It's hard to see even with them on, damnit. At least let me have the illusion that I'm capable of near-perfect sight!

Am I the only person who thinks I have sad eyes? Or are the only people who can answer that the people I know in real life? I suppose no one online can answer that truthfully, because they've only seen the pictures where I'm smiling. They've seen what I wanted them to see, because I thought that if I was smiling and happy that it would make them see past the imperfections.

But it's only a photo. They've never seen me in the flesh' they've never talked face to face with me, or interacted with me through anything but words on a screen. I want more contact, obviously. Duh. But I can't expect those who haven't met me to know if I'm as sad as I seem...