(no subject)

[amadeupname]

I want to come home.

Bettina, the German IFYE chapter secretary called the other day, and said that I need to try harder to be part of the family, because the other families said that they enjoyed the time with me, but I spent a lot of time alone in my room. I don't know if they told her that I always asked if there was something they wanted me to do - helping out around the house or farm or whatever - and that I even said that sometimes I like to spend time alone, but that if they wanted me to do something I wouldn't have a problem with it. It's not like they were banging down my door begging me to come do stuff with them and I was refusing. Most of the time I was alone while the kids were busy at school or with friends, and when the family DID get together it was for meals and sometimes watching TV.

Maybe this IFYE thing was just a bad idea.

My free time's coming up in a week and a half. I wish I could just go home for the two weeks and then come back. Maybe then I wouldn't be so damn homesick. Right now I can't seem to stop thinking about Nick and school and my mom, and I don't know how to get my mind off of home. Hell, Bettina said that if it was really bad she could probably arrange for me to come home early - and I can't say I'm opposed to the idea - but I should stick this thing out to the end, shouldn't I? I mean, I may just be miserable by that end, but it's not like there's a huge hurry for me to come home. At this point it's too late to sign up for classes, so I'd be spending the time at home, looking for a job. And if I can't make it through six months of being away from home, what am I going to do when I graduate? I was planning on going for the JET program, like Darcy, but if I go home after three months then what's the point of even thinking of being gone for a year? Plus, I haven't been practicing my German as much as I should have (but then it's really fucking hard to try when everyone around you speaks at light speed and makes you feel like you're in the very first class again), and that was the entire point of me coming here.

I still just want to come home.

Comments

[moldypotatochip.livejournal.com]

Being away for a year is hard. I'm starting my 2nd year and I want to go home right now. But I can't. That's the kind of feeling I think a lot of people have when they go to other countries alone. It's pretty much a daily frustration for me.... but if I were to leave I'd be without a job or a place to live, and a broken contract on my record, so I really have no choice. I try to get into the frame of mind to enjoy what I have here and not waste my time, but I can't help but wish it was next year already :/ *hugs* it sounds like JET would not really be right for you because it is the same damn thing. I hope things get better for both of us.

[thesaneminority.livejournal.com]

I do too... I mean, if I can't manage this, then that means that the people who interviewed me for Bonn were right. And I'd like to think that it would be a bit easier if I was studying or working, because then I would have something to distract me. Here I'm mostly reading and waiting for the family to say "Hey, let's do this." And I might be able to make some friends, too - I can't really do that here, since I leave so quickly that it's almost not worth it. (Not that I really run into anyone outside of the family anyway.)