(no subject)

[amadeupname]

I hate myself. I want to just disappear. Why can't I just be someone else?

Kitty Spawnie: You = distracted?
Mavvykins: Well, if my girlfriend counted as a distraction...
Mavvykins: ...then yes.
Kitty Spawnie: ;_;
Kitty Spawnie: I see.
Kitty Spawnie: ::runs away::
Mavvykins: No no... don't run away...
Mavvykins: ;_;
Kitty Spawnie: but you're busy
Kitty Spawnie: and ignoring me
Mavvykins: But...
Mavvykins: Look. I'm sorry but I'm just over careful about... that kinda stuff now... .-.;;
Kitty Spawnie: ugh
Kitty Spawnie: you and Arpy both
Mavvykins: I'm sorry okay?
Mavvykins: .-.;
Kitty Spawnie: .... I need a guy.
Kitty Spawnie: Even an OL guy would be nice.
Mavvykins: I know it would probably help you with stress a lot... I'm sorry I can't help you with that anymore...
Kitty Spawnie: it's okay
Kitty Spawnie: don't worry about it.
Mavvykins: *sigh*
Mavvykins: See, now that I've acted like an ass, I am going to worry about it.
Kitty Spawnie: how do you spell masuse?
Kitty Spawnie: don't
Kitty Spawnie: or I'll kill you.
Mavvykins: >_>;;;
Kitty Spawnie: =P
Mavvykins: You'll have to kill me then.
Kitty Spawnie: ::kills, revives, huggles::
Kitty Spawnie: I think I need my Prozac >_>
Mavvykins: *hugs back*
Mavvykins: If you think that'll help you...
Kitty Spawnie: Well, I haven't taken it for a couple days
Kitty Spawnie: I kinda need it so I don't break down and kill myself
Mavvykins: Well, if something prescribed for you... you don't break it... :\
Kitty Spawnie: yeah
Mavvykins: I'm so sorry, Sarah. I didn't mean to hurt you like that.
Kitty Spawnie: You didn't hurt me
Kitty Spawnie: I'm just touchy, I'm stressed, and I'm lonely
Kitty Spawnie: I've always been lonely. I should be able to deal with that by now.
Mavvykins: You might find somebody worth loving soon enough...
Mavvykins: It might sound cowardly or retarded... but you could always try Gaia.
Kitty Spawnie: Yeah, where?
Kitty Spawnie: Oh, I suppose
Kitty Spawnie: Twould help if the personals were back up
Mavvykins: Hey, it's where I found Meagan.
Mavvykins: I didn't even find her in the personals.
Kitty Spawnie: But ya know, it's not like I can find anyone in Jackson
Kitty Spawnie: I know
Mavvykins: Well, you don't have to look for your match in your town...
Mavvykins: Maybe your state.
Kitty Spawnie: but all the smart, funny, nice guys are either taken, gay, or not interested
Kitty Spawnie: My state is a fucking mitten
Mavvykins: Well, look outside of your state.
Kitty Spawnie: We might as well be living in deep-frozen Tennessee for all the worthwhile guys around where my mom lives
Kitty Spawnie: Gah!
Kitty Spawnie: ::cries::
Mavvykins: Deep frozen?
Kitty Spawnie: Michigan = too fucking cold
Kitty Spawnie: Damnit
Kitty Spawnie: I'm sick of meeting guys online, no matter how nice they are
Kitty Spawnie: I want someone I can kiss and cuddle
Kitty Spawnie: Someone I can talk to on the phone on a regular basis
Kitty Spawnie: Someone I can have some physical contact with
Kitty Spawnie: and I need my medicine
Mavvykins: Hm.
Kitty Spawnie: brb
Mavvykins: Alright.
Kitty Spawnie: back
Mavvykins: Welcome back.
Kitty Spawnie: bah
Mavvykins: ?
Kitty Spawnie: nothing
Mavvykins: Hm... if you say so.
Kitty Spawnie: Maybe I just want acknowledgement that I'm not too disgusting for people to want to date me
Mavvykins: Sarah, people will come along that will love you.
Mavvykins: You'll find someone that won't care about appearance.
Kitty Spawnie: when?
Mavvykins: They're out there.
Mavvykins: You just have to be open and looking out for them.
Kitty Spawnie: what am I supposed to do? Stand on the street corner and wait for someone to wisk me away?
Kitty Spawnie: Brad, I spend my time at home
Mavvykins: No. You should live your life.
Kitty Spawnie: Crocheting, reading, playing video games
Kitty Spawnie: I have no fucking social skills
Mavvykins: Neither did I until the beginning of this school year.
Kitty Spawnie: I can't talk to people
Mavvykins: You're talking to me, right?
Mavvykins: So, you're not using your mouth to verbalize it.
Kitty Spawnie: yeah, but not face to face
Kitty Spawnie: At least I can think about what I want to say
Mavvykins: Well, you can stalk to somebody, right?
Kitty Spawnie: I guess.
Kitty Spawnie: I'm terrible with first conversations
Mavvykins: Hm. Everyone is nervous.
Mavvykins: I'm sure you can over come it though.
Kitty Spawnie: Yeah, sure...
Kitty Spawnie: ::hugs::
Kitty Spawnie: Forget it
Mavvykins: *hugs back*
Kitty Spawnie: I'll be okay, I guess
Mavvykins: Have you heart of Smile Empty Soul?
Kitty Spawnie: no
Mavvykins: heard*
Mavvykins: Hm.
Mavvykins: Well, if you wanna download a song... go fine 'I Want My Life'.
Kitty Spawnie: I put it on my list, but Imesh sucks ass
Mavvykins: heheh.
Kitty Spawnie: do you have a copy?
Mavvykins: Yes.
Mavvykins: Send it over AIM?
Kitty Spawnie: yesh please
Kitty Spawnie: kk
Kitty Spawnie: ::dies::
Kitty Spawnie: dead
Mavvykins: ?
Mavvykins: *revives*
Kitty Spawnie: ...
Kitty Spawnie: I'm so sick of myself
Kitty Spawnie: no wonder no one wants to go out with me
Mavvykins: Stop saying that!
Mavvykins: No one will ever go out with you if you live and think like that.
Kitty Spawnie: That's what I'm saying, though
Kitty Spawnie: I hate myself
Kitty Spawnie: No one wants to go out with someone like that
Mavvykins: That's brought about by yourself.
Mavvykins: You need positive reinforcement. It starts with yourself.
Kitty Spawnie: I don't know how to do that
Kitty Spawnie: I can't just say nice things to myself
Mavvykins: You need to stop thinking shit to say about yourself for one.
Mavvykins: I'm sorry, but that's what it is.
Mavvykins: So you might not be physically attractive.
Mavvykins: It's not the end.
Mavvykins: Maybe there's just something that's abstract that guys can't point out...
Kitty Spawnie: You know what I can't figure out?
Kitty Spawnie: If I'm not a bad person
Kitty Spawnie: If I'm good enough for a relationship with someone
Mavvykins: why is no one waiting in line?
Kitty Spawnie: why hasn't anyone seen it?
Mavvykins: Hm.
Kitty Spawnie: And why the hell can't I?
Mavvykins: *shrug* Maybe because you can't see it...
Mavvykins: ...which means that others have a harder road ahead of them.
Kitty Spawnie: I feel like shit now
Mavvykins: Stay away from knives. You better not chicken out on me like that.
Kitty Spawnie: I'm too stupid and scared to do that

Bah. Bah, bah, bah.

Comments

[maggiekarp.livejournal.com]

Are you ever happy?

[thesaneminority.livejournal.com]

I can't tell half the time.

[some2else.livejournal.com]

Relationships are overrated. This is coming from someone who has gone through hell and back because of one. While they are nice, yes, they should not be the do-all end-all of your life. What I found was that when I stopped worrying about getting into a relationship and just started being happy with who I am even without one, girls seemed more attracted to me. You don't need someone clinging onto you to validate your existence.

[greyepsilon.livejournal.com]

Oh yes. My handiwork published. >_<;;;

I wish I could explain things clearer... I'm sorry for making you feel bad.

[the-murasame.livejournal.com]

There's someone out there in the world for everyone, don't ever forget that, kay hun? Mum told me that so long ago, and I keep myself going through that. Just hang in there… Believe me; I’ll betcha that very soon, there’ll be that one guy there for you. *Huggles* Come on… You can do it. I’ll bet it’s close, you’ll see. Talk to me, please, if you’re ever feeling down, and we can sort this out, ok?

If you don't read this, I will so beat you!

[ladyamda.livejournal.com]

Dude, I'm sorry to be mean in this comment, but I really do need to tell you this!

Stop throwing little pity parties and get on with the real world. You complain and bitch about how every little thing is wrong with you, and yet you don't do a damn thing to fix it! "I'm fat." You say that as you constantly eat unhealthy snacks and disobey the diet your parents worked to set up. Plus you don't exercise! No diet will possibly ever work unless you exercise. And then you complain you're stupid. No, you're lazy. I've seen your test scores, and what you can do. You are not fucking stupid, okay? There is a big difference between stupid and lazy. Also, you are definitely not a sex addict. Sex addicts go with anybody and anything. And when you think about going out and having sex with some guy or girl, think about other people. How will you explain it to your parents? Do you care about them? I am sure that they won't take it very lightly and they'll probably be very disappointed. You are their cherished child, and they don't want to see your life go down the drain just like that. Think about if you get STDs. They kill, Sarah. And it could be as easy as swapping a simple kiss. Plus pregnancy. Can you afford that? Will you be mature enough to take care of a baby? Please think these things through, because in todays society there is no mercy. You say you want a guy, but you ask every friggin' boy that shows interest in you out. That kind of scares people off, you know? Wait until they ask you, and no more of this online bullshit. Because that's just what it is. Bullshit. You have no real proof of their identity and their whole personality could be a complete set up! Listen to the news and listen to these girls who are stupid enough to give away their address or visit their 'boyfriends'. They're snatched right up! Trust me, wait to meet the right person.

You're ugly, huh? Ugly is an opinion, not a fact. You can't find the beauty in yourself because you're not fucking trying! You look in the mirror and automatically say that you're ugly. There are people a lot worse than you!

Also, this suicide shit? Cut the crap. Suicide is a loosing battle. As long as their is someone who loves you, then they will not let you die. Take it from someone who knows. Do you realize how many times I've tried? The last time I did it, I realized it was completely pointless. As sad as it is, you do not have control of your life. And never will.

Stop living in your fairy tale world and get with reality. If you don't change your life soon, and actually start living, you'll end up a poor lost soul wandering the streets! And with your intelligence, you could be a fucking millionaire! Do you know how jealous I am of that? If I could remember half the things I'm taught, I wouldn't have to make my parents sad. I wouldn't be behind four freaking credits in graduating. I'd be like my brother and automatically go to a college like State right after graduation. I wouldn't be wasting my time at JCC trying to improve my grades just so I can get into a school with a Rep. ('cause that's the only way an artist makes it.)

Again, I'm sorry to be mean, but these things must be said. No one's going to pity you, no one's going to be there. In this world, we live only for ourselves.

(And Prozac works like shit.)

Re: If you don't read this, I will so beat you!

[(Anonymous)]

I'm here for Sarah, even if she has a baby and even if she's feeling down. The best I can offer is to make her feel happy again. Don't get down on yourself, it's not good for you. But you do have people there for you. Me included. I'm here.... and, if that weren't true, if people didn't help others and weren't there for other people, we'd all be dead.

Sorry..

-Delia

Re: If you don't read this, I will so beat you!

[thesaneminority.livejournal.com]

::blinku:: I have a baby?!

Jen, Delia, thanks. I love you both in the most platonic way possible, you know that?

Oh, and Jen? I've never tried to kill myself (too scared, already said that to Brad in the entry, remember?), Prozac's better than nothing, and you are too smart. There are different types of intelligence. And, hey, there's a possibility I'm smarter than you, but you're way ahead of me in the art department. I'm always jealous and proud at the same time when I look at your stuff.

Blah, I love you all. Thanks for everything. ::skips off to eat breakfast::

Re: If you don't read this, I will so beat you!

[ladyamda.livejournal.com]

Yeah.... killing yourself just doesn't work...

And now a-days, people are looking for *Thinks, word is on tip of tongue....* *whateva* GOOD GRADE POINT AVERAGE. I have a lot of trouble remembering stuff. Though I think I'd be good at math, if only I weren't so friggin' lazy.

Re: If you don't read this, I will so beat you!

[ladyamda.livejournal.com]

The more people symphasize for a person, the more time it takes for that person to grow up. I don't know who you are, but I do know Sarah in real life.

Re: If you don't read this, I will so beat you!

[vadalia.livejournal.com]

I'm here.... and, if that weren't true, if people didn't help others and weren't there for other people, we'd all be dead.

Sorry... but that's not exactly true. Some of us function just fine on our own without needing the help of others to be alive (the point remains the same if you meant what I think you did, that others help us when we feel like shit- again, not everyone needs to be told over and over and over and over (even if they don't listen) that they're just fucking fine. Some have the self-confidence and self-respect to get over it)