(no subject)

[amadeupname]

I hate myself. I want to just disappear. Why can't I just be someone else?

Kitty Spawnie: You = distracted?
Mavvykins: Well, if my girlfriend counted as a distraction...
Mavvykins: ...then yes.
Kitty Spawnie: ;_;
Kitty Spawnie: I see.
Kitty Spawnie: ::runs away::
Mavvykins: No no... don't run away...
Mavvykins: ;_;
Kitty Spawnie: but you're busy
Kitty Spawnie: and ignoring me
Mavvykins: But...
Mavvykins: Look. I'm sorry but I'm just over careful about... that kinda stuff now... .-.;;
Kitty Spawnie: ugh
Kitty Spawnie: you and Arpy both
Mavvykins: I'm sorry okay?
Mavvykins: .-.;
Kitty Spawnie: .... I need a guy.
Kitty Spawnie: Even an OL guy would be nice.
Mavvykins: I know it would probably help you with stress a lot... I'm sorry I can't help you with that anymore...
Kitty Spawnie: it's okay
Kitty Spawnie: don't worry about it.
Mavvykins: *sigh*
Mavvykins: See, now that I've acted like an ass, I am going to worry about it.
Kitty Spawnie: how do you spell masuse?
Kitty Spawnie: don't
Kitty Spawnie: or I'll kill you.
Mavvykins: >_>;;;
Kitty Spawnie: =P
Mavvykins: You'll have to kill me then.
Kitty Spawnie: ::kills, revives, huggles::
Kitty Spawnie: I think I need my Prozac >_>
Mavvykins: *hugs back*
Mavvykins: If you think that'll help you...
Kitty Spawnie: Well, I haven't taken it for a couple days
Kitty Spawnie: I kinda need it so I don't break down and kill myself
Mavvykins: Well, if something prescribed for you... you don't break it... :\
Kitty Spawnie: yeah
Mavvykins: I'm so sorry, Sarah. I didn't mean to hurt you like that.
Kitty Spawnie: You didn't hurt me
Kitty Spawnie: I'm just touchy, I'm stressed, and I'm lonely
Kitty Spawnie: I've always been lonely. I should be able to deal with that by now.
Mavvykins: You might find somebody worth loving soon enough...
Mavvykins: It might sound cowardly or retarded... but you could always try Gaia.
Kitty Spawnie: Yeah, where?
Kitty Spawnie: Oh, I suppose
Kitty Spawnie: Twould help if the personals were back up
Mavvykins: Hey, it's where I found Meagan.
Mavvykins: I didn't even find her in the personals.
Kitty Spawnie: But ya know, it's not like I can find anyone in Jackson
Kitty Spawnie: I know
Mavvykins: Well, you don't have to look for your match in your town...
Mavvykins: Maybe your state.
Kitty Spawnie: but all the smart, funny, nice guys are either taken, gay, or not interested
Kitty Spawnie: My state is a fucking mitten
Mavvykins: Well, look outside of your state.
Kitty Spawnie: We might as well be living in deep-frozen Tennessee for all the worthwhile guys around where my mom lives
Kitty Spawnie: Gah!
Kitty Spawnie: ::cries::
Mavvykins: Deep frozen?
Kitty Spawnie: Michigan = too fucking cold
Kitty Spawnie: Damnit
Kitty Spawnie: I'm sick of meeting guys online, no matter how nice they are
Kitty Spawnie: I want someone I can kiss and cuddle
Kitty Spawnie: Someone I can talk to on the phone on a regular basis
Kitty Spawnie: Someone I can have some physical contact with
Kitty Spawnie: and I need my medicine
Mavvykins: Hm.
Kitty Spawnie: brb
Mavvykins: Alright.
Kitty Spawnie: back
Mavvykins: Welcome back.
Kitty Spawnie: bah
Mavvykins: ?
Kitty Spawnie: nothing
Mavvykins: Hm... if you say so.
Kitty Spawnie: Maybe I just want acknowledgement that I'm not too disgusting for people to want to date me
Mavvykins: Sarah, people will come along that will love you.
Mavvykins: You'll find someone that won't care about appearance.
Kitty Spawnie: when?
Mavvykins: They're out there.
Mavvykins: You just have to be open and looking out for them.
Kitty Spawnie: what am I supposed to do? Stand on the street corner and wait for someone to wisk me away?
Kitty Spawnie: Brad, I spend my time at home
Mavvykins: No. You should live your life.
Kitty Spawnie: Crocheting, reading, playing video games
Kitty Spawnie: I have no fucking social skills
Mavvykins: Neither did I until the beginning of this school year.
Kitty Spawnie: I can't talk to people
Mavvykins: You're talking to me, right?
Mavvykins: So, you're not using your mouth to verbalize it.
Kitty Spawnie: yeah, but not face to face
Kitty Spawnie: At least I can think about what I want to say
Mavvykins: Well, you can stalk to somebody, right?
Kitty Spawnie: I guess.
Kitty Spawnie: I'm terrible with first conversations
Mavvykins: Hm. Everyone is nervous.
Mavvykins: I'm sure you can over come it though.
Kitty Spawnie: Yeah, sure...
Kitty Spawnie: ::hugs::
Kitty Spawnie: Forget it
Mavvykins: *hugs back*
Kitty Spawnie: I'll be okay, I guess
Mavvykins: Have you heart of Smile Empty Soul?
Kitty Spawnie: no
Mavvykins: heard*
Mavvykins: Hm.
Mavvykins: Well, if you wanna download a song... go fine 'I Want My Life'.
Kitty Spawnie: I put it on my list, but Imesh sucks ass
Mavvykins: heheh.
Kitty Spawnie: do you have a copy?
Mavvykins: Yes.
Mavvykins: Send it over AIM?
Kitty Spawnie: yesh please
Kitty Spawnie: kk
Kitty Spawnie: ::dies::
Kitty Spawnie: dead
Mavvykins: ?
Mavvykins: *revives*
Kitty Spawnie: ...
Kitty Spawnie: I'm so sick of myself
Kitty Spawnie: no wonder no one wants to go out with me
Mavvykins: Stop saying that!
Mavvykins: No one will ever go out with you if you live and think like that.
Kitty Spawnie: That's what I'm saying, though
Kitty Spawnie: I hate myself
Kitty Spawnie: No one wants to go out with someone like that
Mavvykins: That's brought about by yourself.
Mavvykins: You need positive reinforcement. It starts with yourself.
Kitty Spawnie: I don't know how to do that
Kitty Spawnie: I can't just say nice things to myself
Mavvykins: You need to stop thinking shit to say about yourself for one.
Mavvykins: I'm sorry, but that's what it is.
Mavvykins: So you might not be physically attractive.
Mavvykins: It's not the end.
Mavvykins: Maybe there's just something that's abstract that guys can't point out...
Kitty Spawnie: You know what I can't figure out?
Kitty Spawnie: If I'm not a bad person
Kitty Spawnie: If I'm good enough for a relationship with someone
Mavvykins: why is no one waiting in line?
Kitty Spawnie: why hasn't anyone seen it?
Mavvykins: Hm.
Kitty Spawnie: And why the hell can't I?
Mavvykins: *shrug* Maybe because you can't see it...
Mavvykins: ...which means that others have a harder road ahead of them.
Kitty Spawnie: I feel like shit now
Mavvykins: Stay away from knives. You better not chicken out on me like that.
Kitty Spawnie: I'm too stupid and scared to do that

Bah. Bah, bah, bah.

Comments

Re: If you don't read this, I will so beat you!

[thesaneminority.livejournal.com]

::blinku:: I have a baby?!

Jen, Delia, thanks. I love you both in the most platonic way possible, you know that?

Oh, and Jen? I've never tried to kill myself (too scared, already said that to Brad in the entry, remember?), Prozac's better than nothing, and you are too smart. There are different types of intelligence. And, hey, there's a possibility I'm smarter than you, but you're way ahead of me in the art department. I'm always jealous and proud at the same time when I look at your stuff.

Blah, I love you all. Thanks for everything. ::skips off to eat breakfast::

Re: If you don't read this, I will so beat you!

[ladyamda.livejournal.com]

Yeah.... killing yourself just doesn't work...

And now a-days, people are looking for *Thinks, word is on tip of tongue....* *whateva* GOOD GRADE POINT AVERAGE. I have a lot of trouble remembering stuff. Though I think I'd be good at math, if only I weren't so friggin' lazy.