(no subject)

I hate myself. I want to just disappear. Why can't I just be someone else?

Kitty Spawnie: You = distracted?
Mavvykins: Well, if my girlfriend counted as a distraction...
Mavvykins: ...then yes.
Kitty Spawnie: ;_;
Kitty Spawnie: I see.
Kitty Spawnie: ::runs away::
Mavvykins: No no... don't run away...
Mavvykins: ;_;
Kitty Spawnie: but you're busy
Kitty Spawnie: and ignoring me
Mavvykins: But...
Mavvykins: Look. I'm sorry but I'm just over careful about... that kinda stuff now... .-.;;
Kitty Spawnie: ugh
Kitty Spawnie: you and Arpy both
Mavvykins: I'm sorry okay?
Mavvykins: .-.;
Kitty Spawnie: .... I need a guy.
Kitty Spawnie: Even an OL guy would be nice.
Mavvykins: I know it would probably help you with stress a lot... I'm sorry I can't help you with that anymore...
Kitty Spawnie: it's okay
Kitty Spawnie: don't worry about it.
Mavvykins: *sigh*
Mavvykins: See, now that I've acted like an ass, I am going to worry about it.
Kitty Spawnie: how do you spell masuse?
Kitty Spawnie: don't
Kitty Spawnie: or I'll kill you.
Mavvykins: >_>;;;
Kitty Spawnie: =P
Mavvykins: You'll have to kill me then.
Kitty Spawnie: ::kills, revives, huggles::
Kitty Spawnie: I think I need my Prozac >_>
Mavvykins: *hugs back*
Mavvykins: If you think that'll help you...
Kitty Spawnie: Well, I haven't taken it for a couple days
Kitty Spawnie: I kinda need it so I don't break down and kill myself
Mavvykins: Well, if something prescribed for you... you don't break it... :\
Kitty Spawnie: yeah
Mavvykins: I'm so sorry, Sarah. I didn't mean to hurt you like that.
Kitty Spawnie: You didn't hurt me
Kitty Spawnie: I'm just touchy, I'm stressed, and I'm lonely
Kitty Spawnie: I've always been lonely. I should be able to deal with that by now.
Mavvykins: You might find somebody worth loving soon enough...
Mavvykins: It might sound cowardly or retarded... but you could always try Gaia.
Kitty Spawnie: Yeah, where?
Kitty Spawnie: Oh, I suppose
Kitty Spawnie: Twould help if the personals were back up
Mavvykins: Hey, it's where I found Meagan.
Mavvykins: I didn't even find her in the personals.
Kitty Spawnie: But ya know, it's not like I can find anyone in Jackson
Kitty Spawnie: I know
Mavvykins: Well, you don't have to look for your match in your town...
Mavvykins: Maybe your state.
Kitty Spawnie: but all the smart, funny, nice guys are either taken, gay, or not interested
Kitty Spawnie: My state is a fucking mitten
Mavvykins: Well, look outside of your state.
Kitty Spawnie: We might as well be living in deep-frozen Tennessee for all the worthwhile guys around where my mom lives
Kitty Spawnie: Gah!
Kitty Spawnie: ::cries::
Mavvykins: Deep frozen?
Kitty Spawnie: Michigan = too fucking cold
Kitty Spawnie: Damnit
Kitty Spawnie: I'm sick of meeting guys online, no matter how nice they are
Kitty Spawnie: I want someone I can kiss and cuddle
Kitty Spawnie: Someone I can talk to on the phone on a regular basis
Kitty Spawnie: Someone I can have some physical contact with
Kitty Spawnie: and I need my medicine
Mavvykins: Hm.
Kitty Spawnie: brb
Mavvykins: Alright.
Kitty Spawnie: back
Mavvykins: Welcome back.
Kitty Spawnie: bah
Mavvykins: ?
Kitty Spawnie: nothing
Mavvykins: Hm... if you say so.
Kitty Spawnie: Maybe I just want acknowledgement that I'm not too disgusting for people to want to date me
Mavvykins: Sarah, people will come along that will love you.
Mavvykins: You'll find someone that won't care about appearance.
Kitty Spawnie: when?
Mavvykins: They're out there.
Mavvykins: You just have to be open and looking out for them.
Kitty Spawnie: what am I supposed to do? Stand on the street corner and wait for someone to wisk me away?
Kitty Spawnie: Brad, I spend my time at home
Mavvykins: No. You should live your life.
Kitty Spawnie: Crocheting, reading, playing video games
Kitty Spawnie: I have no fucking social skills
Mavvykins: Neither did I until the beginning of this school year.
Kitty Spawnie: I can't talk to people
Mavvykins: You're talking to me, right?
Mavvykins: So, you're not using your mouth to verbalize it.
Kitty Spawnie: yeah, but not face to face
Kitty Spawnie: At least I can think about what I want to say
Mavvykins: Well, you can stalk to somebody, right?
Kitty Spawnie: I guess.
Kitty Spawnie: I'm terrible with first conversations
Mavvykins: Hm. Everyone is nervous.
Mavvykins: I'm sure you can over come it though.
Kitty Spawnie: Yeah, sure...
Kitty Spawnie: ::hugs::
Kitty Spawnie: Forget it
Mavvykins: *hugs back*
Kitty Spawnie: I'll be okay, I guess
Mavvykins: Have you heart of Smile Empty Soul?
Kitty Spawnie: no
Mavvykins: heard*
Mavvykins: Hm.
Mavvykins: Well, if you wanna download a song... go fine 'I Want My Life'.
Kitty Spawnie: I put it on my list, but Imesh sucks ass
Mavvykins: heheh.
Kitty Spawnie: do you have a copy?
Mavvykins: Yes.
Mavvykins: Send it over AIM?
Kitty Spawnie: yesh please
Kitty Spawnie: kk
Kitty Spawnie: ::dies::
Kitty Spawnie: dead
Mavvykins: ?
Mavvykins: *revives*
Kitty Spawnie: ...
Kitty Spawnie: I'm so sick of myself
Kitty Spawnie: no wonder no one wants to go out with me
Mavvykins: Stop saying that!
Mavvykins: No one will ever go out with you if you live and think like that.
Kitty Spawnie: That's what I'm saying, though
Kitty Spawnie: I hate myself
Kitty Spawnie: No one wants to go out with someone like that
Mavvykins: That's brought about by yourself.
Mavvykins: You need positive reinforcement. It starts with yourself.
Kitty Spawnie: I don't know how to do that
Kitty Spawnie: I can't just say nice things to myself
Mavvykins: You need to stop thinking shit to say about yourself for one.
Mavvykins: I'm sorry, but that's what it is.
Mavvykins: So you might not be physically attractive.
Mavvykins: It's not the end.
Mavvykins: Maybe there's just something that's abstract that guys can't point out...
Kitty Spawnie: You know what I can't figure out?
Kitty Spawnie: If I'm not a bad person
Kitty Spawnie: If I'm good enough for a relationship with someone
Mavvykins: why is no one waiting in line?
Kitty Spawnie: why hasn't anyone seen it?
Mavvykins: Hm.
Kitty Spawnie: And why the hell can't I?
Mavvykins: *shrug* Maybe because you can't see it...
Mavvykins: ...which means that others have a harder road ahead of them.
Kitty Spawnie: I feel like shit now
Mavvykins: Stay away from knives. You better not chicken out on me like that.
Kitty Spawnie: I'm too stupid and scared to do that

Bah. Bah, bah, bah.